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Saturday, February 1, 2014

Who Ate Their Own Fright!

The Six Sense Gang were notorious for destroying everything in their path with Sixth Sensy Nonsense, and ancient magic that called the dead goats of the world to devour everything in their path. No sooner were they free, and my toenails at the others throats, than they started chanting. It sounded something like this "BAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHHA BOHOHOOOOHOOHOOO BAAAHAHAHHHAHAHHHAAAB!" in long ragged breaths. Well, I screamed something that sounded like, "OH GOAT NO!" and quickly turned my toenails around. But it was too late. The goats were coming.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

And so rather than getting sliced, I began a gig.

This blog is evolving into complete nonsense...but I think I like it. After a long break, the story continues...
The gig started out with a tiny kick here and a twist of my arms there, but the longer I danced, the higher my kicks became. The pirate lord was too shocked to do much but stare for the first few minutes, and so, with one great Russian style kick, I knocked him out cold, for he was no taller than an obese leprechaun. I slashed the ropes of the other captives with my ragged toenails and then proceeded to threaten my opponents by placing my most fearsome of all toenails to their throats. In their fright and desperation they surrendered the ship to their former prisoners. Victory would have been ours for the taking but as luck would have it, those I had freed were none other than the Sixth Sense Gang.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Light greens and deep reds streaked before my eyes. Then the tip of a sword. I liked the first much more. Following the sword was a face. I would give anything for the colors now. A pirate knelt down in front of me, his hair long and dark, his eyes a dark shade of yellow, his face dirty and scared, and his sword at my own not so dirty face.
A smile spread across his lips, not a happy go lucky I just ate the best thanksgiving dinner ever smile, but more of a I just got the treasure and now I get to kill it smile. That was ok with me, I was looking for the death. "I think you came to dance." He said as his smile grew bigger. I could see his teeth then and I'm telling you they didn't help him look any cleaner.
"If all I get to do is dance I think I actually came to the wrong place." I said back. I stretched a smile across my own face, and laced my words with sarcasm. The less likable I could be the deader I could be.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The water was still. It rippled behind me like each arc of my life, flowing away. I made it, staring, dumbfounded, at the fortress of wood that stood in front of me. "My ideas.... sometimes..." I chose not to continue the thought as I searched out a rope. One of many that twisted down the sides, bowing this way and that to the sea and the winds and the sky. It called to me like it was made for me. So I grabbed hold of it. I felt each strand grind between my hand, then knot after knot i climbed up, heading for the top, the unkown.
For dancing? Not... right... Not what anyone ever expects to see on the deck of a pirate ship, with pirate sails, and pirates. Not dancing. As my mind took in what was going on it suddenly saw and heard the truth. These pirates weren't the death I had come looking for. They danced to their own tune. Much louder, and merrier. No death? For death doesn't come to the tune of the chicken dance. I silently swor under my breath, knowing whatever thoughts had previousely been consuming my mind were now lost. Death was disapating. In its place colors of swirling male and female dancers were taking over.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

From Fishsticks to Turkey

It came, whole and pure. The vessel before me seemed to be the only thing my mind could fix upon. It stood still, alone, like the last place the world needed to survive. But why did the black sails hold death upon them? Death. Die... Maybe I could die there too? I never knew the thought of death could draw me forth so strongly. I knew I had been avoiding it myself, but there it wouldn't be me. Leaving destruction and chaos in the piles of insects at my feet, I crunched over their twisted bodies and headed toward the shore, the sails, and certain death.

The water wasn't so far away as to seem a struggle to get to, but certainly it wasn't as close as my mind made it seem. I was not there. I was there. Boarded the last bit of life I knew was me, I began chasing death. One row, two row. I was lost in the thought that wasn't mine. It didn't disaapear. It stayed there. The mighty ship stayed there. I got closer and it didn't get farther away.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

River Gone Big

SISTER PILLAGE begins:
Laying on the river bank, I swear my world was smaller than the world I watched crawl around my toes. Ants and spiders took great pleasure in the pain they inflicted on my toes and ankles. Yes, my life had reached an all time low- I was letting insects bite me for the distraction of the pain they offered. The days of my small life had turned into one ruin after another, and behind me, my mind was a civilization destroyed beyond repair. After Susan died, no one dared to suggest I take up Father's farm. They knew I was too sick with grief to do anything beyond breathing and too healthy to kill myself with sickness.
Fire smoke floated into my head. Gazing emptily at the river, my jaw hung slack. As the smoke grew, disappearing into the atmosphere, the river expanded and grew with the expansion and growth of the smoke cloud. Great water was opening up before me, and like a field on fire, my eyes burned with the sting of something I had never seen before. On the belly of the ocean now stretching before my reddening eyes was a ship the color of jellyfish. It rippled as if the breeze pushing the smoke vision before me were a great gale of wind.